The Good Enough Sex Manifesto
I believe good enough sex is better than perfect sex. Why? Because while chasing the ideal atmosphere and that perfect experience, we get tense, irritated and often disappointed. And sex is supposed to be easy and fun, right? So instead of looking for those multiple orgasms and creating a magical or romantic or kinky environment (or whatever you prefer) up to the smallest details, why not open up and accept what comes. One orgasm? Great. No orgasm? No problem, next time or perhaps you can give yourself a bit of tenderness and finish yourself what you started with a partner? He or she can watch. In a romantic mood? Do I really need to spend a whole hour arranging a million of candles and incense and take a long bath before? Of course it would be nice but it’s not feasible every day.Would one scented candle and nice music be enough?
Ibelieve good enough sex is better than no sex. Because as we focus on finding the perfect conditions for our intimate encounters, we often give up somewhere midway. We simply don’t have the energy and time to create those ideal conditions every time. In our busy lives, especially as parents, we rarely get the luxury of spending a full uninterrupted hour with our lovers. There’s babies to feed, toddlers to comfort when they wake up with a nightmare, shopping to be done on the weekends and family time too. And, on top of that, we usually work outside the home!
I I believe in regular sex. Even if it’s quick and simple, is good for our physical and mental health and for our relationships. Sexual energy can flow and we feel it in our bodies and souls for a long time after. Our sexuality is like a muscle. If you don't work out on a daily basis, it gets weaker with time and you need to work hard to get it into shape.
I believe sex is not just intercourse. Actually, there is no penetration needed for it to be called sex! See how it expands your repertoire and takes the pressure off? Think of that day when you couldn’t get an erection or just felt too tired to have intercourse. Wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy what you could do sexually at the moment? A bit of a cuddle, mutual massage, watching some porn or masturbating? Thinking of sex as penis in the vagina (or anus) only is too limiting. Let’s just take it easy and go with the flow.
I believe sex is easy. It’s us who make it complicated. We think there is some secret knowledge to it, that you have to get a PhD and memorize all the secret geisha tricks. Sure, there’s a lot of things worth trying in bed and it’s always good to read, attend workshops or get individual sex coaching. But the key to easy sex is awareness and communication. If we know what we want and (most importantly) what we don’t want and make it clear to our partners, everything will be simplified. Want something? Say or show it? Want to give your partner pleasure? Ask first or try and ask how it’s going. Just that. No big science involved.
I believe sex is fun. And funny. Seriously, if you take it too seriously it will be a disaster! I mean, come on, when we press to much air into a vagina and than take the penis out it makes a farting sound. It’s funny, right? No need to be embarrassed. Just laugh and wonder at what our bodies are capable of. To me, the bedroom is like a playground for adults. We have our special toys and favourite games (I can’t emphasize enough how cool our toys are!). Next time you go to that bedroom, try being more playful and see what happens.
I believe in sex there’s always hope. Most problems can be solved (and if not, there’s always a workaround as my IT husband would say) and you can have good sex. Sometimes it will be good enough. And sometimes it will exceed expectations and become so good that you’ll just moan “goodie good”! Enjoy!
The Good Enough Sex Manifesto
by Anka Grzywacz
Sex & Relationships Coach
Love Sex Baby
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