My husband said he would give me a dose of surreal humour every day in our marriage. He said that as his intention during our marriage ceremony. Even though it wasn’t a promise, he has kept his word every since. Sometimes he makes me laugh so hard that I cry. That’s the power of intention. To me more powerful than any promise or vow written by someone else.
I don’t believe in marriage vows the way we are supposed to recite them in church, temple or city hall. I believe each married couple is different and should have the right to put in their own words how they want to live their life together and what values are important to them.
For example I don’t believe you can promise love to somebody. You cannot know who you will be in 10 years from now and you don’t know how your life is going to change. I believe it makes more sense to say that you intend to nurture love in your relationship but also be honest when the love ends. That’s how it works for me. It might be different in your case but please, if you are planning to get married, make sure you choose your vows, promises or intentions wisely because they will be the foundation of your marriage. They will be your treasure when things get tough.
Hand up who remembers this 80s show “married… With Children”?
And the sphere where things usually get tough not long after the wedding, is the bedroom. I don’t know what it is but so many people complain that sex is not what it used to be after you say “yes”. Sexless marriage is the epidemic of the 21st century. It’s one of the most common reasons couples seek advice from therapists or sex coaches. Sexual incompatibility is still quoted as a reason for divorce. So does marriage really ruin everything in bed?
What do you think? What has your experience been? Or if you’ve never been married, what have you heard or read? It’s become a special type of an urban legend. You tie the knot and suddenly you wake up wearing pajamas and forget about sexy lingerie and just spend the evening knitting or reading. Well, maybe I’m exaggerating with the knitting. But Netflix? Now, that’s a huge reason to give up on sex, isn’t it? There’s that new episode to watch and just chill on the couch. I’m not saying it’s bad. But when you allow that domesticity to enter your life, make sure you don’t forget you were wild once.
So how do you nurture good sex in a marriage, even after many years of being together? Let me hear your stories and ideas! Send me an e-mail or watch the replay of my Facebook Live show “With Love… About Sex”.
Have a good week with good sex!